Assertive attitudes and behaviors are at the heart of effective advocacy. A person with an assertive attitude recognizes that each individual has rights. These rights include not only legal rights but also rights to individuality, to have and express personal preferences, feelings and opinions. The assertive individual not only believes in his or her rights but is committed to preserving those rights. An assertive attitude is important in recognizing that rights are being violated. The passive person is so concerned with being liked and accepted that he or she may never recognize the need to advocate. The assertive person clearly expresses his or her rights or needs. They tend to face problems promptly and they focus on solutions rather than problems.  The following will enhance your assertiveness skills.

     Assertive listening is one of the most important advocacy skills we will discuss. The goals of assertive listening are: (1) to let the other know that you want to understand his or her point of view; (2) to understand accurately what another is saying; and (3) to let the other know that he or she has been understood. Remember that understanding is different from agreement. You can understand what another is saying but still disagree with him or her. 

     You can let others know you are interested in hearing and understanding their points of view in several ways. You can tell them you are interested. Here are some examples of how you could phrase such a statement: 
 

	I'd like to hear your views on....
	I'd like to understand your views on....
	Could you tell me about them?
	I'm confused about your stand on....
	Would you tell me more about how you see the situation?
	I think we are approaching this from two different perspectives.
	What does the situation look like from your perspective?
	I 'd like to hear your thoughts on

Looking directly at the other shows you are giving him, or her your attention. Leaning forward slightly communicates interest, while a relaxed, open posture communicates receptiveness to what the other party is saying.

     Listening for accuracy takes concentration and requires you to give your full attention to what the other is saying. It is easier to listen for accuracy when you feel relaxed. If you are tense and your own thoughts are racing, excuse yourself for a minute and go to another room. Take a few deep breaths to relax and clear your mind before returning. Ask questions as they come up, especially if the answers are important to understanding additional points the other party is discussing. Saying "um hum" and nodding your head slightly will encourage the other to continue talking. Most people will discontinue talking without these mild encouragements.

     Assertive Listening.  You can test whether or not you have understood the other party by summarizing your understanding of what was said and asking for verification. This not only lets you know whether you have understood the other correctly, it also lets the other person know they have been understood. Some problem solving or negotiation sessions get stuck because people do not realize that they understand one another. Many times the issue is not confusion, but disagreement about what to do about the problem. Working out solutions is different from establishing an understanding and some issues remain unresolved because parties never get past the stage of establishing that all viewpoints are understood. Below are some examples of language you can use to test for understanding. 
 

	If I understand you correctly....
	Is that what you meant?
	I heard you say _____________, did I understand you correctly?
	I heard you say ______________, did I understand you correctly?
	Your view is _______________________, is that right?

     Brain injury can interfere with the ability to process information. Consequently, it can impair the ability understand and make sense of complex information. This condition can be especially troublesome when such information is presented in a stressful context. It may become necessary to have statements or questions repeated or rephrased. Note taking on such occasions can be used to reinforce your understanding. Finally, you can test your understanding of the other party's intentions by following the steps outlined above. 

     Nonverbal Assertiveness Even when we are silent we communicate a lot -- through our eyes, facial expression, posture, gestures and personal appearance. Through these nonverbal behaviors we communicate who we are and how we feel. Others draw conclusions about our sincerity, credibility and emotional state based on our nonverbal behavior. Poor eye contact, slouching, nervous gestures and other nonassertive behaviors can convince others that what we have to say can be safely ignored. Awareness of our nonverbal behaviors is an important advocacy tool. 

     Elements of Nonverbal Behavior Nonverbal behaviors are harder to control than verbal behaviors, but with awareness and practice you can become effective in communicating non verbally as well as verbally. 

     1. Eye contact. Eye contact means looking directly at another, focusing on his or her eyes. Direct eye contact is assertive. Children often play at seeing who can stare the other down. The one who can maintain eye contact the longest wins and gains a sense of power. We are not suggesting you try to out stare others, but looking directly at another while you are speaking strongly suggests, even demands, that you be listened to and taken seriously. Looking down while speaking to another suggests timidity and weakens you in the eyes of others. Looking to the side as you speak suggests avoidance and insincerity and jeopardizes your credibility.

     Maintaining eye contact while the other is speaking shows your interest in listening. There are times when you will want to minimize eye contact while others are speaking, perhaps to avoid revealing your reaction to what is said or to give you time to think. When this occurs, concentrate on note taking since this also gives the impression that you are listening. 

     2.   Posture. The moment you walk into a room, your posture and carriage communicate messages about your confidence, how you expect to relate to others, your energy level and emotional state. Slouching may say "Don't notice me" or "I'm tired and can be easily worn down" or "I'm not interested in being here". Slouching does not invite the other to take you seriously. A tense and rigid posture communicates you are in a heightened emotional state. It may be interpreted as anxiety or anger depending on your other nonverbal behaviors. This kind of posture makes you look out of control. An erect and relaxed posture while standing and sitting communicates confidence, self-control, energy and an expectation that you be taken seriously.

     When sitting, leaning forward slightly communicates interest and a sense of purpose. Leaning back communicates disinterest or disagreement. Crossing your arms and legs suggests a tense and closed attitude while uncrossed arms and legs suggests a relaxed and open attitude.

     3.   Facial expression. We say a lot through our facial expressions. Our face tells others the degree to which we are alert, interested, in agreement, or relaxed. It reveals the types of emotions we feel. It is best to keep your facial expression as neutral as possible. 

     5.   Personal Appearance. Whether we like it or not how we dress affects credibility. It also affects how we feel. Being extremely overdressed or underdressed in relation to others makes most people uncomfortable. Dress appropriate to the situation. If you do not know how to dress for a particular situation, ask questions of people who should know such things. The way in which you dress carries distinct messages about power. When dressing for business it is best to dress neatly, conservatively and as professionally as possible.

     6.   Tone of Voice. There are many aspects of voice that affect the impact your words have on others. The most important of these and the easiest to control are loudness and speed. Nervousness can make us speak too softly to be heard or so loudly that we distract from our message. Speak loudly and slowly enough to be heard and understood. It is also important to control how you end your sentences. Raising the pitch of your voice at the end of a sentence makes the sentence sound like question. A slight lowering of pitch at the end of a sentence makes it sound like a statement. Make your statements sound like statements in order to strengthen your message. 

    Negotiation and Communication in Meetings.  The resolution of many advocacy problems will involve one or more meetings with service providers and administrators. You will use all of the skills we have discussed; problem analysis, information gathering, action planning and assertive communication in preparing for and participating in these meetings. In this chapter we will discuss additional advocacy techniques and pointers that can help you become a more successful advocate in meetings and negotiations.

    Whose Territory.  Where a meeting is held will have a subtle but powerful impact on you and everyone else who participates. People generally feel more comfortable and in control of the situation when they are in their own territory. Conversely they feel less comfort and less control when they are in someone else's territory. Potential discomfort over being on someone else's turf can be decreased by increasing familiarity with the individuals you will negotiate with and increasing familiarity with the site of the proposed meeting. 

     If you have control over where the meeting is held, request that it take place a neutral location. It's a good idea to arrive at the meeting location early. This will give you a chance to become familiar with and feel more comfortable in the meeting space. Secondly, it will give you some control over the seating arrangement. Some seating arrangements create a sense of equality among participants at meeting whereas others create a power imbalance. 

     A round table has no head seat and thus creates a feeling of equality. Since there are no sides to a round table it also minimizes an "us versus them" atmosphere. A square table can also be used to equalize power. Although it is likely to enhance the feeling of taking sides. The head chair at an oblong table connotes power. If you are faced with an oblong table, sit in the head chair if possible. 

     The person who sits behind a desk during a meeting enhances his or her power considerably. In addition, the desk can, create a sense of defensiveness and act as a barrier to open communication. If you can, try to get the other party out from behind his or her desk in order to equalize the power. 

     You must have a set of objectives and a plan to accomplish them also. If you do not, the other party will control the content and the outcome of the meeting. Use an advocacy plan as discussed earlier in this chapter to develop your objectives and strategy for the meeting. 

     Use of Jargon: It is common for professionals to use jargon. By this we mean technical terms, specialized words abbreviations that are not likely to be used in everyday conversation of the average person. In negotiations, professionals may intentionally use a lot of jargon in order make nonprofessionals feel ignorant, to keep them out of conversation or to diminish their credibility. 

     It's also important to learn to say "I don't know" comfortably. You should not be expected to know everything although, at times, you may be asked questions you are not expected to know the answers to in order to throw you off guard. Again, be sure to ask for clarification and/or more time.